Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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