I am in a vortex of obligation.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
