was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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