The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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