And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
