i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
