I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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