apparently the secret to your success is patron
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
