He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
