I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
