dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
