omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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