he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
