Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Less talking, more tequila
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
