I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am one with the molecules
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
