That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
