Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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