and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
