booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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