I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
