Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
