I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
