I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
