I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
