I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
