i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
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