so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
