i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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