I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
