I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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