he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
