we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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