the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
