but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
