Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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