ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
