we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
