yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
