I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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