where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
