i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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