just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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