Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
