would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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