I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
