True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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