Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
