I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
