I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
