we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
