In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
