i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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