So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
