Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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