Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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