Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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