I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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