He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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