you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
