I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
