We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
