I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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