You just made me feel so damn special
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Princesses don't give blow jobs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
