if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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