i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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