i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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