The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
