hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
