Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize