WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
