my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
