Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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