You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
