Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i will never coherently bang her
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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