You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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