Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
