she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
foreskin is a definite game changer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
