Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
