just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
