I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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