I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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