i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
