chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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