i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We are all done wearing pants today
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
