I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
