i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
