My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
