I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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